The Harry Potter Fan Club
by Doltman945
Summary: Ginny and Colin have finnaly made made a fan club when Harry finds out. Voldie is hooked on the evil overlord list! Draco dies once and Harry dies twice! HPGW, RWHG. RR!
1. What happened at Grimauld Palace

The Harry Potter Fanclub  
  
By Doltman945  
  
Chapter One  
  
Disclaimer: None of the characters, or basically any thing else, is mine. I wish they were, but they belong to J.K.Rowling. Hahaha, can't sue me now!!!  
  
Harry Potter was a boy of many names. He was Harry, Potter, Harry Potter, Scarface, Darling, and the boy who lived to name a few. Right now, he would certainly have been called petrified.  
  
The reason for this would be that he walked in on Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasly passionately snogging in the room that he and Ron shared in Grimauld Palace.  
  
However shocked Harry might have been at this occurrence, Hermione was much more so. Ron, however, was completely oblivious to what was going on. Hermione shrieked "GET OUT" and shut the door in Harry's face.  
  
Harry hurried as quickly as he could from the accursed room. As he was wandering the Deserted Halls of number four, Grimauld Palace, he heard giggling coming from the master bedroom.  
  
Inside this room, Ginny Weasly and Colin Crevey were working on a secret plot that had been going on for years. They were whispering and giggling as the final phase of their scheme was coming to an end. Then they heard a knock at the door.  
  
Harry heard it go silent inside the room. Preparing himself for the worst, he barged in just to see Ginny and Colin trying, unsuccessfully, to hide what they were working on behind their backs while at the same time trying, even less successfully, to hide the fact that they were hiding anything at all.  
  
"Hi" said Harry; slightly curious as to what it is they were hiding.  
  
"Uhh... Hi Harry" said Ginny  
  
"Ermm..." muttered Colin, entirely unsure about what he should do.  
  
"What are you doing?" Harry asked.  
  
"Nothing" replied Colin and Ginny almost instantly.  
  
"Really?" probed Harry, "well I'd better be going then". It was at that unfortunate moment that Colin dropped the container of stickers that he was hiding behind his back. "Here, let me help y-". Harry stuttered to a complete stop. He then got up still clutching a fistful of stickers and said, "HELL NO". 


	2. Hell No

The Harry Potter Fan Club  
  
By Doltman945  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to J.K.Rowling and a small part of the dialogue belongs to Sinfest.  
  
"Harry, please-"cried Ginny.  
  
"Hell No" replied Harry.  
  
"Wait, Harry", said Colin.  
  
"Hell No" repeated Harry.  
  
Ginny said, "Harry, it's just a-".  
  
"It's a HARRY POTTER FAN CLUB! Hell No. Hell No No No No No No!"  
  
"I'm the devil, listen to me bitch. Bitch Bitch Bitch Bitch Bitch Bitch Bitch" Colin muttered to no one in particular.  
  
"I Heard THAT!" yelled Harry.  
  
"Harry, listen, Colin and I have taken a lot of polls. We have found that a lot of people are interested, and a few even requested one" said Ginny calmly.  
  
"Hell No" yelled Harry for the seventh time.  
  
"Bitch Bitch Bitch" muttered Colin again.  
  
"Shut UP Colin" yelled Harry.  
  
"What did I do?" asked Colin innocently.  
  
Harry chose to ignore this question. Instead, he chose to probe Ginny. "Who exactly took these polls?"  
  
"Well" said Ginny, "All the Weaslys, of course. Then there was Hermione, Zechariahs Smith..."  
  
"Hold up" said Harry, "Your official poll consisted of the DA?"  
  
"No, my parents had a say-," explained Ginny.  
  
"Ok. So it was your family and the DA?" Harry asked.  
  
"Well... yeah" said Ginny.  
  
"Hell No"  
  
"Please Harry, do it. For me?" said Ginny sweetly. Harry was stuck. True, he sort of liked Ginny and he was slightly miffed at Dean for taking her, but it was a HARRY POTTER FAN CLUB. He did not want to become Lockhart. Harry started to pace. Finally, he decided that his fondness of Ginny over road his hatred of the idea of a fan club. Barely.  
  
"I'll do it," he said.  
  
"Good" said Ginny.  
  
"I'll take a picture," said Colin brightly.  
  
"Put the camera down" said Harry, "We remember the last five, don't we?" Colin immediately, but somewhat reluctantly put down the camera.  
  
"Uhh... Harry, there is one more matter" Ginny said tensely.  
  
"Yes" said Harry, "What is it?"  
  
"Ermm." began Ginny, "Well since you are Harry Potter, and it IS the Harry Potter Fan Club".  
  
"Yes Ginny" said Harry  
  
"Well, we want you to be the head chairperson"  
  
"Hell No!"  
  
"Bitch Bitch Bitch Bitch Bitch" Colin muttered. It was at that moment that Colin's camera exploded in his hand. 


	3. Deliberations

The Harry Potter Fan Club By Doltman945  
  
Chapter 3 Disclaimer: The characters included within this story do not belong to me, but to J.K.Rowling.  
  
The next few days of Harry's life proved to be very tedious. After several more cries of 'Hell No' on Harry's behalf, and a bit more pleading on Ginny's part, he gave into being the Head Chairperson. He agreed to hold this post as long as he did not have to do anything. This was the agreement between him and Ginny. Ginny lied.  
Within the first two days, Harry was called upon to make no less than ten 'executive decisions'. These ranged from what the color the lapel buttons should be (Gold with Scarlet, or Scarlet with Gold, Harry chose the second) to what the official acronym should be (T.H.P.F.C., or The H.P.F.C., Harry chose The H.P.F.C.). The necessity of these decisions came from the fact that Ginny and Colin, the only other board members, kept getting in deadlocks.  
The first bit of good news came 3 days after his agreement with Ginny. The news was that they were moving.  
"I officially call this meeting to order" called Ginny. Of the only other two people in the room, only one was paying attention to her. Colin had a quill out and was ready to take notes. If Harry had been paying any attention, he would have noticed how much he looked like Hermione just then. Instead, he was currently listening to the Bulgarian quidditch match with a set of extendable ears, lent to him by Fred and George.  
"I have a message for the council-"began Ginny, before she was cut off by an exclamation of 'Hell No' from Harry. This was due to the fact that two thousand miles away, Victor Krum had tried to pull out of a Wronski Feint too late and had been knocked out.  
"Hem... Hem" Ginny cleared her throat in a way that reminded Harry strongly of Professor Umbridge. She continued,' I believe that the headquarters of the H.P.F.C. (Colin sneered, Ginny had been mocking his loss like this any time she could for the last two days) should be moved from Number Four, Grimauld Palace, to the Burrow".  
"What!" exclaimed Colin. This caused Harry to take off the ear. Up until now, Colin had never spoken out of turn, in an attempt to follow comity procedure.  
"I believe that we, as a committee, should not risk the secrecy of the anti-Voldemort effort, the Order of the Phoenix, for this club". This shut up Colin. Harry wanted to hit himself. Even with his limited care for and participation in the club, he thought he should have realized this.  
Ginny went on to call an official vote. There being only one other vote to count, this entire process too about fifteen seconds. It was then officially noted that the Harry Potter Fan Club was moving to the Burrow. 


	4. The club cometh

Chapter Four  
The Club Cometh  
Harry quickly saw why criminals like blackmail. Hermione, a newly elected chairperson (along wit Ron, of course) had Rita Skeeter on to interview Harry less than a day after the move.  
Harry, unfortunately, was not exactly ready for this.  
"Harry, why was this club formed? Harry, do you feel that this entourage was formed to spite Lord Voldemort's death eaters? Harry...Harry...Harry". It just went n and on an... You get the point. Finally, he just said, "ask Ginny".  
Still, he had to hand it to the journalist, she did her job well. Harry saw so many owls the next day that he had to hire two house elves and the ghoul to clean up the mess.  
Everybody wanted to join the new fan club. Ginny's idea to move to such an open house was great. Just accommodating the new recruits was a hassle. The local pub in St. Ottery heard the word 'obliviate' shouted so many times that the bartender thought it was Christmas and he was finally going to get that stuffed beaver he had always anted.  
One would find the schedule of activities posted and mailed a week later interesting to say the least. Harry taught several dueling seminars, and those were the most normal of the activities. The weirdest by far was Ginny's lecture on why girls should not waste their time writing Harry love letters (well...it was meant for girls, even though Ginny swore she saw Seamus lurking in the back row). The list varied in levels of disturbing.  
Fred and George were awesome. In three days they had come up with wonderful things to be sold at the gift shop (this was actually just Percy's room, but who cares about Percy anyway?) There were lips that gave you Harry's accent. There were Voldemort voodoo dolls. There was the Harry Potter action figure. They also sold Yo-Yo's, but this was mostly in mockery of Ron.  
Speaking of Ron, Ron's room became more popular than the astronomy tower at Hogwarts. After the 'opening ceremony' (performed by Ron and Hermione, you don't need details), it was open to anyone. Even Colin got someone to snog him.  
Harry was, of course, the chief target. Every girl asked him, and every girl he rejected. It took Ginny's brilliance and some barely legal tools (thanks to Fred and George) to get him in there.  
"WTF mates?" Harry asked.  
"Shh..." said Ginny. Harry quickly shushed up. Ginny proceeded to spill her guts about her remaining feelings for Harry and Harry spilt his guts about his feeling for her.  
Okay... maybe not.  
What she did do was hand him something and then give him a peck. Okay... maybe more than a peck. But not a snog. Definitely not a snog. Somewhere between a peck and a snog. Yeah, that's it!  
Once the peck/snog was done with, Ginny left. Harry looked at what he had been handed. It was a diary. Written inside was one word,' write'.


	5. The planing process

The Harry Potter Fan Club  
BY: Doltman945

Chapter 5  
The planning process

Voldemort was mad. Very mad. Mad mad. Madder still... Ah, that's how mad he was.  
Unlike their leader, the death eaters were happy. After much begging and several Galleleons later, they had laptops. With the internet.  
Voldemort had gotten a laptop too but had cursed it when the 'Windows' opening melody had started.  
The death eaters were quickly learning the joys of the internet.  
All had e-mail. Most had AIM. Half were getting quite good at addiction solitaire. Some had gotten some stuff off of e-bay. Luscious had a blog.  
Voldemort was prone to getting confused. He would walk into a room just to hear Macnair shouting,"Hey, ratboy91, you think you summat by flamin' me like that" or," Evildork234, you LPB. Lol". Voldie chalked it up to being a new language no one really got.  
...Back to Voldemort being mad. He was mad that he could not kill Harry. His fail-to-kill-count was up to four. Debatably four. He decided that his ego was more important than his accuracy and left it at four.  
He needed help. He need guidance. His first three choices for help were right off the list. He couldn't ask Dumbledore because, even though he was the greatest wizard of all time, he was on the side of good, and therefore off all official evil scheming lists. He couldn't ask Harry because that would be asking Captain Picard how the self-destruct on the enterprise works. And he couldn't ask his death eaters because they were all stupid idiotic moronic dolts who couldn't get it through their heads that the good guy **always wins**.  
After marveling that he knew who Captain Picard was, he realized that he need some outside help.  
Then Luscious stepped in. Well, actually his maniacal laughter attracted Voldemort's attention, but you get the idea.  
He was looking at (Note to readers: this site actually does exist and is bloody brilliant). Voldemort decided to investigate. After a minuet of reading, he ordered Luscious to leave. He ordered him back when he couldn't get the thing to print. After Luscious had explained that a printer was required to print and a printer had been obtained, (illegally of course), Voldemort had his own copy of the list.  
He whole-heartedly agreed with numbers 4 and 7. He didn't get number 9. He disliked but agreed with the logic of 20. He wished he had heard of number 49 earlier. And he felt that number 85 saved him.  
Just then, the daily prophet came in. Like a message from above, the headline was," Potter gets a fan club". He quickly checked his list, summoned his minions, and said," I have a plan!".


End file.
